my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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