yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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