so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my shit smells like andre
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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