worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We were destined to go to rehab together
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
