did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
