I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
