If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Randomize
