But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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