**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
