I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
