It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
