New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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