Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
