Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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