What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
