I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
