We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
