I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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