Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
