Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
