Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
