i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
