I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
