thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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