Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
