I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
