I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
