I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
