you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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