my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
