I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
