New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
