I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
