after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
