Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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