when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
