He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
