I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize