She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
