look no pants
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
