At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
