I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My breasts were aching with rage.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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