I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
