I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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