Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize