i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
