Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
