just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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