I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
