The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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