I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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