you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
