I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize