Having a random hookup so left but love u
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
