I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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