im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
