Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
