It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
