This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
