Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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