2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I looked at my own cervix.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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