I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
