Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
