I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
