i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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