we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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