omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
