He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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