I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Randomize
