Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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