I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
