Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
