I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
